Inane Dribble...

English (per Maxine's request)

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:31:00 +0000

Autumn is fall
To fall is to trip
The Englishman's language
is so hard to grip.

Shoes are for running,
yet so does your nose.
A sock is some clothing
to cover your toes.

Yet sock, in a slang term,
means bloody your nose.
A feat no accomplished
by a normal man's clothes.

What I want to be when I grow up...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:04:00 +0000

All through my childhood there were certain things I wanted to be "when I grow up."
In no particular order:
A writer
A chemist
A teacher
A rockstar
A chef

The chef thing is actually more recent and most of them were passing fancies. The big one that has stuck for most of my life is a desire to be a writer.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and making mental lists on what I like and what I don't like about my life. I have to admit, the list of "don't likes" is very very small. One of the things that has been really bothering me lately is that I never went for being a writer. Yes, there are volumes of bad poetry strewn about. Yes, there are started novels and ideas for novels kicking around. But I have never gone after paid writing gigs. (The couple of publishings I have don't count to me. Vanity presses are notoriously easy.)

That is all going to change now. In the next few days, I am sending out samples and manuscripts to several magazines and posting on several freelancing websites. Hopefully I will get a few nibbles. It's going to be a long and arduous process but it will be worth it. I don't plan to get rich doing it but it can't hurt to try bringing in a little extra coin.

Wish me luck.

Snot filled blueberries.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 13:59:00 +0000

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, if they're small enough.

Why should he start now?

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 14:07:00 +0000

I came across this interesting article this morning..

Read Me

I guess there is nothing like waiting until the last damn minute to buckle down...

Holy Ballz

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 04:17:00 +0000

I peed.

I wasnt going to link them all but....the fairy is badass.

But wait, theres more...

Oh man, high drama ensues....

1 of 9.. oh FrenchToast....

Car trouble...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:15:00 +0000

Two blondes were driving down the road.

The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working.

So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

We all did it when we were younger...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:18:00 +0000

Oh man.

I'm a sucker...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 04:10:00 +0000

People that know me know I love Popeye. I can't explain it.

This is not for the faint of heart. (Lots of swears)But hella funny.

Its like Popeye meets SinCity.

Friends are good.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:53:00 +0000

SMART ASS ANSWER #6 -- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters
Airline. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John,
seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,'
she replied'
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #5 -- A flight attendant was stationed at the   departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended
her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket,
not your stub.'
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #4 -- A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough
for her family. She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any
bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who
was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting
for you all day,' the cop said.
The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.' When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the
freeway. A sign comes up that reads, 'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he
knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under
the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas.'
______________________________________________________________________
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007 -- A college teacher reminds her
class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any
excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your
immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
student, shakes her head and sweetly says, 'Well, I guess you'd
have to write the exam with your other hand.'
______________________________________________________________________
Two bonus extras: A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps
for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50
Christmas stamps?'
The clerk says, 'What denomination?'
The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6
Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
____________________________________________________________ __________
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible;
I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

He never heard the shot....

The depths of my heart

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:00:00 +0000

Yay! Maxine posted again. Thats fragglerific. Now you can all see part of why I adore her so. She is the funniest damn person ever. You are all a bunch of jealous wretches.

A young wife, her husband, and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"
"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."
"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."
Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.
The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

I aint the sharpest crayon in the shed

noreply@blogger.com (Maxine) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 03:34:00 +0000

So I don't know what makes you people think I can do stuff and things. I keep getting "tagged" but I don't know how to import pictures and stuff. I am what you call a novice. Hence my only posting once every couple of months.

By the way if you didn't notice at the bottom of this post where it says who posted. This is Maxine (obviously as Mark is what we call a computer wizard).

Maybe sometime I will take the time to learn how to do more interesting things. Alas today is not that day. So I leave you with the following glowing seeds from my brain.

pump up the jam, pump it up!!! Don't you just love technotronic. Oh that's just me. That's all right. I dance to the beat of my own drummer. My drummer just happens to not have any rhythm.

We can dance if we want to

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 13:05:00 +0000

We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're no friends of mine

It seems to me, you lived your life, like a candle in the wind.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 12:56:00 +0000

I've been thinking a lot lately about people I haven't thought about in a while.
Gives me the oogies. I don't usually like to think about the past. There is some jacked up shizit that should stay back there.

Anyways...
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.

After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket."

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea... just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

The woman thinks for a moment. "Why not," she giggles.

"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"

I am shocked!!!! or not...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 19:49:00 +0000

If you didn’t see this coming you don’t deserve to breathe.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5h88VUqAk-dW1JWAbdV4iCWFsNDcQD93D57180

Something to think about...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 22:15:00 +0000

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

I'm gonna say a billion

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 12:59:00 +0000

Pat Brice is pretty damn funny.

I bet you didn't know that.

Idiotsayswhat?

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:51:00 +0000

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!"

D'Oh. Been Tagged.

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 12:45:00 +0000

So...I have never responded to one of these before on a blog but I figure I outta do it once.
Cerra's blog tagged me.

I am: The abominable chia-head.
I have: the secret of the universe
I have no idea: where I got it.
I Am: the very model of a modern major general....
I Think: therefore I am
I Know: that people ARE born that way.
I Want: to be green
I Have: isn't this on here twice? I Have more than I should. Moderation has never been my thing.
I Dislike: Anyone that does bad things to children.
I Miss: but my aim is improving
I Fear: geese. *shudder*
I Feel: like dancing
I Smell: but I will take a shower next week.
I Crave: what all men crave. Money and power.
I Cry: or maybe I don't. But I should?
I Usually: make light of serious situations
I Search: for the truth
I Wonder: who wrote the book of love
I Regret: the way I treated one person in my life
I Love: Maxine....
I Care: and so should you.
I Always: have gas.
I Worry: about work
I Am Not: a taco.
I Remember: almost nothing. Unless it has something to do with music.
I Believe: the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way...
I Dance: almost all the time
I Sing: in my head. And BOY DOES IT SOUND GOOD!
I Don't Always: practice what I preach.
I Argue: until I realize that I am arguing
I Write: and I love it.
I Win: when it doesn't matter.
I Lose: when it doesn't matter
I Wish: I had a watermelon
I Listen: to try to learn about people
I Don't Understand: why people suck
I Can Usually Be Found: because no one is truly lost.
I Am Scared: so will you hold my hand?
I Need: to go pee
I Forget: why I started this.
I Am: going to go pee now

I tag: YOU!

I better see this on your blog soon!

Got down, sat on a bench....

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 01:42:00 +0000

Yeah!!!!

So the Bears lost again today.

I got nothing else to say really.

I will think of something good to post in the next little bit.
Stay tooned.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and you.....

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 12:43:00 +0000

And, in the spirit of fairness...

You know what, screw fairness. It took me minutes to find a McCain ad that wasn't bashing Obama. I think it is safe to say that I much prefer the message being put out by Barack Obama and his group over that of John McCain and his cronies.

Often times during the political cycles it is easy to become cynical and think it doesn't matter who we elect. It will always be more of the same.

I am trying to keep my attitude positive and I wholeheartedly want to believe that we can finally elect someone that will make an effort.

Another Day, perhaps...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 12:33:00 +0000

Blast from the past...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 02:37:00 +0000

When you were a little girl, did you ever read the book "Are you there God, it's me Margaret?"

Oh damn.
This is not for the close-minded...

I am normally not a south park fan but oh damn this one struck my funny bone.

Lucy, you got some 'splainin to do....

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 12:54:00 +0000

Ok, I realize that the majority of my readers are conservative republican types.
Even some of you that won't admit it.

My question for you, and I hope to see some comments, is this:

If, generally speaking, Republicans are for smaller government and less government intrusion in the lives of the American people, then why do they overwhelmingly feel it appropriate to dictate their morality to the population?

Point 1: The government should not subsidize health insurance but should be able to dictate whether or not a woman can choose to terminate her pregnancy?

Point 2: Constitutionally, all people are created equal. Why then should the government assume the right to tell people they cannot get married. (Or take McCain's cop out and say its a state issue.) Shouldn't they be bound by the constitution to protect people's right to marry whomever they choose?

Oh, there is so much more to say, but I save that for later.

Pictures from Maxine's birthday...

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 04:29:00 +0000

I found the cable for the camera today.

Here are a couple of pics from our night out last weekend.

This is the Murray Arts Center:

Across the street is The Dance Centre:

Remember, they do dance lessons three nights a week and have an open dance floor in both places. I highly recommend it.
It is located about 4800 S State Street.

A solemn moment reflecting on 09/11

noreply@blogger.com (Mark) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 13:15:00 +0000

I had a conversation yesterday with Jeff about 09/11 and if he remembered it.
He didn't.

I can't, nor do I want to, forget it.

The events of that day stir a crazy mix of emotions in me and it is not something I have ever really talked about with anyone.

Here is a great clip from Jon Stewart.