I am shocked!!!! or not...

If you didn’t see this coming you don’t deserve to breathe.

 

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5h88VUqAk-dW1JWAbdV4iCWFsNDcQD93D57180

Something to think about...

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

I'm gonna say a billion

Pat Brice is pretty damn funny.

I bet you didn't know that.

Idiotsayswhat?

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!"

 

D'Oh. Been Tagged.

So...I have never responded to one of these before on a blog but I figure I outta do it once.
Cerra's blog tagged me.

I am: The abominable chia-head.
I have: the secret of the universe
I have no idea: where I got it.
I Am: the very model of a modern major general....
I Think: therefore I am
I Know: that people ARE born that way.
I Want: to be green
I Have: isn't this on here twice? I Have more than I should. Moderation has never been my thing.
I Dislike: Anyone that does bad things to children.
I Miss: but my aim is improving
I Fear: geese. *shudder*
I Feel: like dancing
I Smell: but I will take a shower next week.
I Crave: what all men crave. Money and power.
I Cry: or maybe I don't. But I should?
I Usually: make light of serious situations
I Search: for the truth
I Wonder: who wrote the book of love
I Regret: the way I treated one person in my life
I Love: Maxine....
I Care: and so should you.
I Always: have gas.
I Worry: about work
I Am Not: a taco.
I Remember: almost nothing. Unless it has something to do with music.
I Believe: the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way...
I Dance: almost all the time
I Sing: in my head. And BOY DOES IT SOUND GOOD!
I Don't Always: practice what I preach.
I Argue: until I realize that I am arguing
I Write: and I love it.
I Win: when it doesn't matter.
I Lose: when it doesn't matter
I Wish: I had a watermelon
I Listen: to try to learn about people
I Don't Understand: why people suck
I Can Usually Be Found: because no one is truly lost.
I Am Scared: so will you hold my hand?
I Need: to go pee
I Forget: why I started this.
I Am: going to go pee now

I tag: YOU!

I better see this on your blog soon!

Got down, sat on a bench....

Yeah!!!!

So the Bears lost again today.

I got nothing else to say really.

I will think of something good to post in the next little bit.
Stay tooned.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and you.....

And, in the spirit of fairness...



You know what, screw fairness. It took me minutes to find a McCain ad that wasn't bashing Obama. I think it is safe to say that I much prefer the message being put out by Barack Obama and his group over that of John McCain and his cronies.

Often times during the political cycles it is easy to become cynical and think it doesn't matter who we elect. It will always be more of the same.

I am trying to keep my attitude positive and I wholeheartedly want to believe that we can finally elect someone that will make an effort.

Another Day, perhaps...

Blast from the past...

When you were a little girl, did you ever read the book "Are you there God, it's me Margaret?"

Oh damn.
This is not for the close-minded...



I am normally not a south park fan but oh damn this one struck my funny bone.

Lucy, you got some 'splainin to do....

Ok, I realize that the majority of my readers are conservative republican types.
Even some of you that won't admit it.

My question for you, and I hope to see some comments, is this:

If, generally speaking, Republicans are for smaller government and less government intrusion in the lives of the American people, then why do they overwhelmingly feel it appropriate to dictate their morality to the population?

Point 1: The government should not subsidize health insurance but should be able to dictate whether or not a woman can choose to terminate her pregnancy?

Point 2: Constitutionally, all people are created equal. Why then should the government assume the right to tell people they cannot get married. (Or take McCain's cop out and say its a state issue.) Shouldn't they be bound by the constitution to protect people's right to marry whomever they choose?

Oh, there is so much more to say, but I save that for later.

Pictures from Maxine's birthday...

I found the cable for the camera today.

Here are a couple of pics from our night out last weekend.

This is the Murray Arts Center:


Across the street is The Dance Centre:


Remember, they do dance lessons three nights a week and have an open dance floor in both places. I highly recommend it.
It is located about 4800 S State Street.

A solemn moment reflecting on 09/11

I had a conversation yesterday with Jeff about 09/11 and if he remembered it.
He didn't.

I can't, nor do I want to, forget it.

The events of that day stir a crazy mix of emotions in me and it is not something I have ever really talked about with anyone.

Here is a great clip from Jon Stewart.

11 1/2 Elephants Can't Be Wrong.

So my attempts at blogging via email did not turn out the way I had hoped.
You may see some weird things pop up on occasion as I try new ways to post.
If anyone has suggestions, I am more than open to them.

I think therefore I yam.

What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail?

A small medium at large!

 

 

 

Quote of the day

I love this one.


A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Well, so much for the tangerine!

I don't have much this morning. I am really too hungry to think.

Maybe if I think about being hungry then I will be thinking and forget about being hungry.

That's awesome!

I think I will try it.

On a side not, I am declaring today, "Don't be an ass" day. In fact, I think everyday should be DBAA day.
Be nice to everyone today. It's not that hard.

Anyways, I will try to come up with something for tonight.

A bride to be....what?

And for you:

incredulous
Main Entry:
in·cred·u·lous
Pronunciation:
\(ˌ)in-ˈkre-jə-ləs, -dyə-ləs\
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
Latin incredulus, from in- + credulus credulous
Date:
1579
1 : unwilling to admit or accept what is offered as true : not credulous : skeptical
2 : incredible 1
3 : expressing incredulity

Last post this morning.... I promise.

For those of you that haven't heard of Mark Day, shame on you.
Here is a teaser:



You should really spend more time on YouTube. (Although I found him via podcast, not YouTube.)

It's one of those days

Have you ever woken up from a dream and said, "Holy shit! That was a cool dream!" Only to realize that you are still dreaming and when you realize it, its not that cool anymore and then you wake up in a puddle of your own urine surrounded by people you have never seen before?

Me neither.

You park like a mormon!

Oh damn. I think I peed.





By the way, my hands still smell like stir-fry. I am not sure if that's a good thing or bad.

I love being a sports fan.

There was some really great football today.

Mostly because my Bears won.

But Brett Favre had a good game for the Jets. That made me warm and fuzzy. Their running back, Thomas Jones, was once a Bear and I was really sad when he was traded to the Jets.

Tom Brady had a potentially season ending injury today. That could make life interesting for the Patriots. (This is only relevant because they are Jeff's fav team this year.)

Tomorrow night boasts two games. I may not watch either one. (I am not a fan of ESPN doing MNF) I am, however, interested to see how Aaron Rodgers does for the Packers. The Vikings and Packers are both in the same division as the Bears. The Vikings quarterback, Tavaris Jackson, is injured so they should not be a contender this year and since the Lions always suck monkey balls it should come down to the Packers and the Bears.

Go Bears!

So you think you can dance...

Or not.

For Maxine's birthday date, the 5 of us went to Ruby Tuesday's for dinner. It was pretty yummy stuff.

Afterwards we hung out at home for a little while before leaving for our date. Our kids are so much fun to hang out with. Even when we "aren't doing anything" they can make us laugh.

When it was time for us to go, Maxine had no idea what we were doing or where we were going until we got about 6 blocks away and she guessed it.
I don't know how, we had never been to the place before, and she just took a stab and got it.

She thinks it is because we share a brain. I tend to agree with her.

Anyways, we went to The Murray Arts Centre for a Tango lesson and open dancing. I think it was one of the most fun experiences I have had in a LONG time.
We were horrible, I am pretty sure we got most of the steps wrong, we were not smooth, and we laughed and giggled almost the entire time.

For anyone that loves to have fun and is not afraid to look like an ass, I highly recommend it.

On a side note, I think I figured out why Maxine doesn't like to have her picture taken. See, if she has a picture taken, then everyone can see how freakin' hot she is. Guys would start coming around the house, girls would switch teams hoping to get a shot at her, and she would ruin countless lives because she loves me. (Jealous much? I know you are) So she has the best interests of the world in mind.
What a saint.

But I had Jeff take our picture last night. I just cant find the connector for the camera right now.

Anyways, I doubt I will post anything else today. I have three football games to watch, then a birthday dinner and cupcakes to bake. Follow all that up with some laundry and the MTV VMAs and it should be a pretty busy day.

I love that football season is here once again.

GO BEARS!

Nothing tonight. I'm tired.

I got nothing but yawns tonight.
We watched Napoleon Dynamite and ate pizza.

Tomorrow night is date night. I'm nervous as hell. I'm taking Maxine to experience something new and I hope she likes it.

More on that later.

Opening weekend for Football.

That means I probably won't post all weekend. Life is good. Life is busy.

We shall see.

A Typical Day At The Office

Nuff said.

Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?

Jump aboard the wayback machine...

A couple more.

If you like these, please subscribe to the Mediocre Films youtube page. I have no affiliation with them but they are funny as hell.







Oh man...

No no, I don't care for Stroganoff....

Damn I think Mediocre Films is the fizzle fo rizzle.

Watch the deluge. (Thats a good word. look it up.)

I have kind of a back log of stuff to post over the next couple of days. Don't be surprised if there are multiple posts in the next few days. After the negative karma that I vomited upon the world yesterday I think I need to lighten up a little bit.

For those of you that haven't noticed, there is a little section on the right side of the site that shows "Mark's shared items" which will be articles I have read (and thought were interesting) on one of the hundreds (literally) of blogs that I look at.
Some will be funny, some will be informative, some will be sports related, and others will just be random shit that I feel like linking to.

I just noticed that the link to our myspace page is still there. I haven't looked at that site in months and months. I don't know if Maxine is putting anything new up there but I don't think so.

I hear Facebook > Myspace anyways.

I'd rather be pooping.

A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.

The blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blond problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.

Again, the blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."

The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blond with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blond girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.

He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."

Some Bad News

So apparently some people were offended by one of my recent posts.
Please keep in mind that I moderate all comments to my blog.
This is not a democracy. This is a totalitarian regime. I post what I want to post. That includes comments.
Not everything I want to post make it to the site, but some of the safer things that come into my world are put there. Someday I may start a second blog for the best stuff but most of you will never know about it. :)

Some of the derogatory comments that some people wanted to leave will never see the light of day.
If you don't find something I post humorous, stop reading. Or skip that post.
Or stick it up your ass. I really don't care.

I know I have a different sense of humor than a lot of people. Believe me, I don't post many of the things that I find funny as hell because they aren't appropriate for all of the wide variety that read this.

The tidbits I post here are fairly tame by my standards. The recent post that solicited the most unpublished comments was not the raciest thing I could have posted but it made me laugh out loud.

This blog is a place for me, and occasionally Maxine, to share a watery version of our world with you. As long as it is fun, and as long as people are interested, I (we) will continue to post. Rude and slanderous comments are nothing new but a line was crossed and therefore I post.

Stop pissing me off.